Years ago, my friend (I’ll call her Amy) was falling apart after seventeen years in an emotionally abusive marriage. She’d never told anybody. Partly because she didn’t know it was abuse.
She and her husband had been missionaries to Mexico. Yes, missionaries! She refused to go back, considering the story state of their marriage. But she had to explain why. So, she risked her reputation by opening up.
Amy went to their sponsoring church’s elder board (all men) and to the missions board (again, all men). None of them understood. Instead of receiving empathy, she was bombarded with questions. “Did he hit you?” “Did he have an affair?” “Have you been submitting?” “What have you done to make him treat you that way?”
Nobody understood. Instead of receiving empathy, she received distrust, criticism, and blame.
Apparently, emotional abuse by itself is no good reason to question your marriage.
That’s because many people don’t even know what emotional abuse is. And they’d rarely suspect it from someone in church ministry.
As Amy learned how trapped she was—especially without church support—she had to make tough decisions. That impacted their children too. But then so did years of watching the abuse.
Amy’s main decision was to live in truth and light. No more hiding what was happening behind closed doors: verbal attacks, manipulation, gaslighting, controlling behaviors, blaming, and shaming. Time to call out the sins.
Over time, she was able to break free. Gradually, she experienced emotional healing through God’s word, friends’ support, and strong Biblical counseling with a therapist who understood narcissism.
Yes, narcissism. That’s what she’d been dealing with. A narcissist missionary husband. She’d never suspected it while they were dating, but the harmful behaviors started shortly after she said, “I do.”
She said “I do” and “yes” for seventeen years. She prayed, she submitted more, she took the blame for his bad moods and criticism. As his behaviors only escalated, she finally realized she’d had the wrong approach.
Instead, she needed to say, “No.” And to believe that saying “no” wasn’t wrong. It’s never right to accept abuse or enable cruel behavior.
The Golden Rule is not about saying “yes.” It’s about doing what’s best for the other person.
After much healing, Amy started sharing her story with other women. The responses ran the gamut of the clueless “deer in the headlights” to outright judgment to women stepping forward with their own similar stories.
It begged the question: how much emotional abuse is going on—even in church families, ones who look good from the outside? Why do so many people not know what emotional abuse is? How are the victims (often women, but sometimes men) going to realize what’s happening and find the support they need?
Pondering all this inspired me to write my recently published novel, House of Wind. After all, stories are often the gateway to deeper understanding and empathy.
My novel is about Wendi, the wife of a narcissist pastor. It’s not Amy’s story, per se. Yet it’s the story of thousands of women who’ve been victims of spousal abuse.
If you’re afraid this novel might be triggering for you, I pray that you’ll find peace, encouragement, and support for your situation. (There are resources at the end of the book and on my website.)
If you know somebody who has gone through a similar situation to Wendi’s, may this story show you how to best support your friend.
If you have no clue about emotional abuse, you may be surprised to find out how prevalent it is. This story could be an eye-opener to something we shouldn’t ignore.
Church abuse and emotional abuse often get swept under the rug, not seen for what they are. But they need to be called out. Abusers need to be held accountable so that the church can genuinely reflect the holiness, truth, and love of Christ.
This novel is not just gloom and doom. Far from it. The story is balanced with sweet moments and lighthearted touches. More importantly, it leads to hope, justice, overcoming fears, and breaking free.
Wendi Burkham lives in an emotional prison she unwittingly walked into. Nobody understands, and her captor holds the keys.
Married to a respected pastor, Wendi lives a life others admire—with two children and a home that reflects faith, stability, and love. But behind closed doors, Wendi is trapped in a cycle of control, manipulation, and emotional abuse no one else can see—and no one would believe. How do you escape when no one thinks you need to?
For sixteen years, she has stayed silent. Stayed faithful. Stayed afraid. Until one night forces her to choose between the life she has built … and the truth she can no longer ignore. Her husband’s warning echoes: “Planting wind only reaps a harvest of tornadoes.” But what if the storm is the only way out?
This powerful novel exposes the reality of emotional abuse—and the courage it takes to break free. Readers who enjoy thoughtful fiction with emotional depth will appreciate this novel in the vein of Amanda Cox, Katie Powner, Susie Finkbeiner, and Erin Bartels.
Found on Amazon
My website
My monthly newsletter signup
Laura DeNooyer thrives on creativity and encouraging it in others. A Calvin College graduate, she is a teacher, wife, parent of four adult children, and a multi-award-winning author of heartwarming historical and contemporary fiction. She’s an active member in her church and American Christian Fiction Writers. When not writing, you’ll find her reading, walking, drinking tea with friends, or taking a road trip.