The adolescent me stood on the bright white, springy board. The sun beating on the tops of my shoulders. My eyes fixed on the clear blue, inviting water below.
“One…two…three…” Voices of my friend and her mother chanted.
I stood there longing to jump into the refreshing, cool water but feeling held back by something.
“It’s okay.” My friend tried to calm me. “When we get to three, hold your breath and jump. Don’t think about it.”
I gave a half-nod that portrayed my half-hearted desire.
“One…two…three…”
Still my feet remained planted on that white board.
After much more prodding, I did eventually jump into that pool on that afternoon but it took a lot of coaxing.
I’ve always been a wader. Some people are divers. They jump right in without any forethought except the fact that they are hot and the water is cool. I prefer to walk into a pool and then slowly go deeper and deeper until I’m completely wet and submerged. The Bible describes something similar in Ezekiel. In a vision, a man is led along slowly and incrementally.
Measuring as he went, he took me along the stream for 1,750 feet and then led me across. The water was up to my ankles. He measured off another 1,750 feet and led me across again. This time the water was up to my knees. After another 1,750 feet, it was up to my waist. Then he measured another 1,750 feet, and the river was too deep to walk across. It was deep enough to swim in, but too deep to walk through. ~ Ezekiel 47:3-5
Baby steps seem to be okay with God. The only problem with them is my tendency to go too slow. So slow that I stall. I overanalyze the situation. Overanalyzing leads to worry and fear and eventually to paralysis. The crux of the problem is really that I’m thinking more of my liabilities than I am of God’s strengths. I’m not trusting.
Sometimes I get a sensing of something I should say or do to help or encourage someone. It seems like it’s the Holy Spirit whispering these promptings to me, but I drag my feet about doing it. I think, “That might be helpful but there’s no time right now. I’ll do it later.” Or, “I might be hearing something wrong. What if they think I’m just being nosy?” Probably the underlying cause of my reluctance is worrying about what other people might think. Maybe they won’t have time to talk to me or worse what if they don’t want to hear from me. Maybe they’ll think that what I have to say is dumb or unnecessary. Maybe I’m not the right person to speak that message. If I ask myself enough questions about my motives and abilities, I can talk myself out of any possibility of helping another person and miss opportunities to be used by God.
Then I think about a lady that I met on a crowded bus. I noticed her because she offered her seat to another person. Then another stop later, a space opened up and she sat down again. A few moments later, more people got on that bus and she gave up her seat again. This repeated another time. She didn’t seem to think about it at all. She just helped. Not only was I a bit amazed but I also felt conviction because I wasn’t doing that. So, I offered my seat to the next person that needed one. Her diving into the situation was contagious and encouraged me to join her.
Going too slow because of doubting is the problem but slow and steady progress is okay. As long as I continue to go from one step to the next in a smooth progression, I’m moving forward. Momentum over the long run is best achieved by keeping a steady pace, which is often called the marathon mentality. Moreover, when I think more of God’s love and His abilities through me, it negates my small notions about my own abilities.
I can be so easily overwhelmed and confused as well as stifled by the perfectionism that can keep me from starting anything and I spiral down into mediocrity. One small task at a time is enough for my little brain to handle. When multiple small tasks are completed, I gain momentum.
Any goal can be broken down into little goals. Then instead of finding fulfillment eventually, you’ll find fulfillment a little bit every week. It makes the journey more joyful instead of frustrating. And, your small but continuous steps just might encourage someone else to do the same.
Layer by layer growth is a good thing, just keep walking forward. Once you get comfortable in a layer, it’s probably time to step forward again. This is how you stay all-in with God.
Keep learning, growing, and walking forward.