Grief Comes Back Around by Christina Sinisi

In my most recent book, Sweet Summer, the heroine, Shelby, does everything else except face her grief. Since her father died when she was young, and the adults around her spent all their energy dealing with their own devastation, Shelby’s emotions simmered below the surface. Now, a decade later, events in life don’t offer her a choice. She has to face her fears or risk losing the man she may love and her sisters.

One way Shelby dealt with her fear of loss was by distancing herself from her family. Modern culture loves to tell us to get rid of negativity in our lives, to cut people out of your life who make you feel bad or are toxic. I would argue that this is not biblical. Yes, we need to take care of ourselves, but decreasing the amount of time spent is one thing—canceling friends and family is another.

“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 4:8.

Plus, family is where the heart is, the people you can call on when you are in need, and a constant reminder of Christ’s love for us.

A second route Shelby took rather than deal with her grief was to engage in fun, risky behaviors. Not saying that an individual can’t actually enjoy exploring dark caves (even though I personally would have to be dragged kicking and screaming), but there is also evidence of individuals pursuing such thrills rather than deal with the dangers inherent in living. According to research (Schreiner, 2015), participating in risky behavior is common after the death of a loved one. Part of the unconscious reasoning is that the person can’t cope with the truth that we are all going to die. “By putting themselves directly in the path of death and coming through unscathed, people preserve some sense of their own immortality. (Schreiner, 2015, para. 2).

Doing so also goes against God’s Word. We are all familiar with the Bible verse that tells us that our bodies are a temple of God (I Corinthians 6:19). Taking chances, flirting with death, go against God’s love for us and his desire that we follow Him. He has ordered the day and time of our death. Plus, he wants us to be happy.

But Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” John 16:20 NIV.  This is said in the context of eternity. Our hardships ultimately lead to the joy of being with our Savior in his new kingdom, plus God has many joys in mind for us down here.

So, grieve as we must. The sadness is natural when you miss someone. The grief may return on special occasions and important days. But please don’t push away those who would comfort you—and be safe out there.

And embrace the joys everyday life offers—like reading a good book.

 

 

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